Stolen Kisses
by Xanderlike
Summary: Post Chosen. Xander wants to leave and Willow wants to know why.


Xander, Willow, et al belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Will?"  
  
"Why don't you come inside? Everyone misses you."  
  
"You guys don't need me, Will. I'm fine where I am."  
  
"Dawn needs you. I need you."  
  
"Anya needed me. I wasn't there."  
  
"Xander, it's not your fault. Buffy wanted you to be with Dawn, to watch over her. You're the only one she trusted to do that."  
  
"So you're saying that it's Buffy's fault that Anya's dead?"  
  
"No. It ... it was war. People die in war. We both know that."  
  
"Don't touch me, Will. Please."  
  
"Xander, why? Why are you doing this? Why are you shutting everyone out? Why are you shutting ME out?"  
  
"I don't ever want to be touched again."  
  
"This won't bring Anya back, Xander. And it won't drive me away. I'm not letting go. You can shove all you want, but I'm going to hold onto you. I love you, Xander. I've always loved you. I'm always going to love you. And I'm not letting go."  
  
"Don't, Will. I can't love you right now. I can't love anyone right now. I ... I just can't. It hurts too much. It hurts so damn much ..."  
  
"I know, Xander. I know. Let me hold you. Just let me hold you."  
  
"No ... I can't do that. I can't touch you ever again, Will. I have to get far away from you. I have to go. Tonight. I've got to go right now..."  
  
"Why? Why are you leaving us—me?"  
  
"I ... I always knew you loved me, Will. Don't think I didn't. I always knew. I could never understand how someone as brilliant and beautiful as you could love a screw-up like me. I knew that I wasn't good enough for you. I knew you needed someone smart ... and kind ... and someone who wouldn't mess up your life like I knew I would."  
  
"Xander—"  
  
"Cordy ... even when we were together, I never forget where I stood with Cordy. I knew that she'd leave me sooner or later because girls like that only wind up with guys like me in movies like The Breakfast Club. That night ... that night that we kissed... you were so beautiful I couldn't help myself... I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. I forgot myself in your eyes, Will ... and then it turned out that I was right all along. Loving you, I lost you. Things were never the same after that..."  
  
"Xander—"  
  
"I don't blame you, Will. You loved Oz. So you started sharing everything with Buffy, and I got to be on the outside, watching you tell her all the things that you used to share with me... knowing that no matter what I said or did, you would never let me have the part of your heart that used to be mine."  
  
"Xander—"  
  
"No tears, Will. I got by. I adjusted. It was kind of like losing my eye—I thought I'd never be able to live without what we had, but I made do. I found out just how strong I was... and then I had Anya. She loved me. In spite of everything, she loved me. And I loved her. Of course, with the usual Harris luck, I screwed that up too ..."  
  
"It wasn't your fault, Xander. There was the demon ..."  
  
"I could have tried harder, Will. I could have found a way. I should have found a way. But I didn't. And now she's gone and I'll never have a chance to make it up to her."  
  
"Xander, none of this explains why you're leaving. The Hellmouth is closed. There are so many new Slayers. We're going to need your help to find them, to train them ..."  
  
"What am I going to teach them, Will? How to repair a window? You've got Giles, Buffy, Faith, and Dawn ... you guys can handle it all. You don't need me."  
  
"I need you, Xander. I need you. Don't leave me. Please..."  
  
"You've got Kennedy, Will. And I don't have anyone, and I have to go because right now I'm finding it very hard to think of you as just my Willow shaped friend. Right now all I want to do is kiss you like the world's going to end ... and if I do that ... if I kiss you now, then I'm not going to be able to stop until you make me, and then you'll hate me and I can't live with that. Let me go before I screw up again... please."  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Yeah, Will?"  
  
"Kiss me like the world is going to end." 


End file.
